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In they walk into your office, gorgeous,
presentable, sexy and in an instant the drudgery of a
lifetime at your workstation has been banished. What
follows is email flirting, chats over the coffee
machine, a quick drink after work and before you know
it, your brand new girlfriend or boyfriend is the person
working opposite. You would never do that would you?
Would you!
The fact is, a large minority of people
do meet and date through work. It is a fact of life and
surprisingly natural given that we spend 8 hours or more
a day with people we are paid to be with in a building
that is either too cold or too hot. For many, the
majority of our waking days are spent at work, not at
home and as time passes it is very understandable that
bonds are forged and romantic relationships develop.
And to that end, I have no worries. Until
that is, it all goes terribly wrong. Now of course there
are plenty of you out there reading this who are
currently either seeing someone at work quite happily or
have done so with no ill repercussions. And thank your
lucky stars for that. But for the grace of God, its all
too easy to go the other way. Okay all relationships
begin innocently enough, it is exciting to have a new
date anyway, but to be falling in love with someone you
can see during work hours is an extra treat. You may not
work in the same job or office, but you may be in the
same building or company, able to get in touch at a
moments notice. Certainly lunchtimes take on a whole
new meaning and work becomes for a time a delight not a
chore.
The problem is, what happens when things begin slowly to fall apart. Okay so you are professional and good at your job. You are able to concentrate even through a category 5 tornado and so you would never be affected but affairs of the heart. Your job and career are too important to you. And that is great, but I don't believe you. When relationships begin to go wrong you begin by spending an inordinate amount of time questioning yourself, the situation, the other party, your sanity and everything about you. In other words, you think a lot. Which means - you are not thinking about the paper work on your desk.
Distraction means loss of performance,
means loss of control, means possible loss of career. Is
anyone worth that? Well maybe yes, if you hate your job
and feel you have no career and all your bills are paid
then go for it. But as most of us are not in such a
luxurious position we need to step more carefully. You
should think before you leap - in particular about how
your company would handle a broken relationship in
office time.
Little by little, the person rapidly
exiting your life becomes not a delightful interlude but
a major distraction in the office, someone to focus not
kind thoughts but someone you can harbor doubts about.
Your best friend is told the details and soon everyone
knows. In other words, your relationship has become the
office gossip whether you realize it or not. Then we get
divided loyalties, the boss's awareness of something
wrong. They are minor distractions but they are still
relevant. The problem with office romances is that the
object of your affections and possible later disdain is
always right under your nose. You don't have the option
of disassociation or space, and thereby hangs the real
danger.
The problem with dating at work is that
you are bringing powerful emotions to bear in a place
that is your safe haven from everything emotional. The
place where you can hide, is now the place where you are
most at risk. There is only one answer to the question
of whether you should sate at work. DON'T. Whilst the
guy be the coffee machine may be cute, I believe that
your salary, career, stability and peace of mind are a
great deal more important. We all take chances in life,
but as any gambler will tell you, only gamble what you
can afford to lose. And dating at work is an
incalculable risk.
Keep in mind this valuable lesson by a
friend of mine. He dated a girl in his office for nearly
two years but he didn't know 6 months before the end
that she had decided to break things off. Instead of
confronting him and telling him it was all over, the
woman worked steadily on his boss passing on all sorts
of allegations until without warning my friend was fired
and lost a $150,000 salary and his girlfriend, on the
same day. Subsequently he also lost his house too.
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